Hilarious

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dmop7EAY1Zg]

Last Friday, I met Todd Bieber, a dude who found a canister of film while skiing in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park. In a male Amelie sort of twist, he developed the photos and set out to find the photographer by making a Youtube video about the contents. The video was witty, honest, poignant in its recognition that this adventure was much too fantastic to continue. Suddenly, it had racked up a million hits and Bieber was swamped with emails postulating on who the photographer could be. After a few months of fruitless leads, a breakthrough: he received an email from the photographer and immediately booked a ticket to Paris to return the film to the girl who had lost it.

• “These paintings are from the 17th century, so they are very modern.”
• You have seen two straight men wearing purple pants in the last four hours. One had a matching lilac shirt and purple moccasins.
• Voice acting is a serious study; the dubbing is spot on for American TV programs.
• Coach buses come with coffee makers.
• McDonald’s is placed next to Roman ruins.
• You pull to open a door, push to close.
• Wine is cheaper than petrol.

Photo: Valeria Necchio

Last week marked a new lunar year, so in conjunction with my UNISG classmates, we held a Chinese New Year celebration, with all the Asian-style dishes you can possibly concoct (using the limited supplies found in Italy). There were all the classic, prosperity-bringing foods, like fish and tangerines, along with Thai-style noodles, pork with black bean sauce, and a heaping bowl of deep-fried squid. Yum, bring out the Sriracha!

This tale is getting published about a month later than I had anticipated, but I figure everyone likes listening to a good yarn of travel woe, so here it is.

Like most disasters, this one started out with a quiet whimper buried amidst the lull of complacency. True, I had checked the BBC the day before, and the headline story was about “severe weather disruptions” and cancelled flights at London’s airports due to snowfall. However, the amount of snow that had fallen (4-5″) was piddling by North American standards, and the article seemed to indicate that everything would be functioning normally by the next day. And so, I happily hopped on a flight out of Turin to London, where I would transfer to a connecting flight to New York. I was returning “home,” whatever that word meant after seven months of expat life in Italy. In Turin, British Airways staff boarded the flight with nary a hint of distress. Naturally, while we were in the air, my connecting flight out of London was cancelled.

What’s furry, recalcitrant, and represents a medieval middle-finger? The Alba Palio degli Asini donkey race, of course!

You see, in 1275, the Piedmont towns of Asti and Alba were at war. On August 10, the feast day for Alba’s patron saint San Lorenzo, Asti attacked Alba and laid waste to the fields outside the city walls. To further cement their victory and humiliate the people of Alba, Asti’s army held a horse race around the Alba city walls. According to legend, the residents of Alba simultaneously held a donkey race inside the city walls, as a thumb to the noses of their aggressors.

We were in France, and by god, I was going to get some Asian food.

Before your jaw drops off in horror (sacre bleu!), let me back up for a minute and explain my mad logic. The UNISG masters students had arrived in Lyon, a land of fine haute gastronomie…and the third largest Chinatown in France (after two enclaves in Paris). At lunch, we had just gorged on a stunning French meal, accoutered with boisterous grand chefs, wine, and healthy doses of cream and butter. The University was allotting us a stipend of €15 for dinner, which does not go a long way in Lyon. Besides, I was itching for something chili and umami-laden. According to Wikipedia, Lyon’s Quartier Chinois could be found in the city’s 7e arrondisement. Our hotel clerk had marked “Le Guillotière” on the map, and armed with that knowledge, we set out to search for the best bowl of pho in Lyon. It might not have been French food, but it was at least French colonial food?

In case you’ve been living inside a subway tunnel, the internet has been abuzz this summer with the Double Rainbow guy, who rose to fame after his YouTube video freak-out at seeing a double rainbow went viral. You can cringe, laugh and cry with him as he goes to crazy town, shouting “OH MY GOD,” “WHOAAAA” and “What does it MEAN?!?” on camera.

In this interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Double Rainbow Dude “Bear” Vasquez claims not to have been on any drugs or other mind altering substances in this video (but not others). As it turns out, he runs a farm in Yosemite, and when Kimmel asks “And how do you get women to come up there?” Vasquez replies, “Um, a lot of them come through WWOOF, that’s Worldwide Organization of Organic Farms…actually today there’s seven European girls that are staying at my house right now.”

Me: “I’m sure Italians are very hardworking people!”

Italian: “Don’t be silly, all the hardworking Italians are already in the U.S.”

After I announced my move to Italy and the initial excitement had subsided, the jokes started rolling in about the work ethic of Italians and southern Europeans in general. I reassured myself that I’d be living in northern, rather than southern Italy, and surely it would be nice to take a break from the frenetic pace of American work habits? I mean, who needs to run errands between the hours of 12:30 and 3:30 pm anyway? (Most Italian businesses are closed closed in the afternoons, on Sundays, and often on Saturdays and Mondays as well.)

Overhead view of Vernazzo, on the trail towards Monterosso

What is Cinque Terre?

Cinque Terre, or “five lands,” is a series of small seaside towns in the Italian Riviera, in the Liguria region. It is widely known for being one of the most beautiful places on earth, and is recognized as a UNESCO Heritage Site. Visitors can hike the trails between the five towns and be rewarded with gorgeous cliffside views of the sea. Unfortunately, the booming popularity of the region has turned Cinque Terre into something more akin to Disneyland, particularly during the high summer season. The influx of American tourists toting Rick Steve’s guidebooks, kitschy souvenir shops and high prices has warped the towns into a bit of a tourist trap, where more English is spoken than Italian.

Wifi access in Puglia has been sporadic and/or slow, but hopefully I will be able to upload bits and pieces of the last week’s adventures when I get home this weekend. In the meantime, I shall leave you with what is certainly the Best Named Pizzeria in Italy.